Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
