I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
