I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
