That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
