Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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