Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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