so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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