you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
