You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she told me i tasted like america
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize