I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
