dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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