Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62

Replies (8) Good night (539) Bad night (1508)
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(415): View more from California

Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me

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(415): Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me http://tfl.nu/bq34

Replies (20) Good night (1187) Bad night (4488)
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(703): View more from Virginia

She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.

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(703): She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything. http://tfl.nu/cutc

Replies (18) Good night (1017) Bad night (3420)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu

Replies (64) Good night (852) Bad night (6821)
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(817): View more from Texas

They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

(214): View more from Texas

Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

(817): View more from Texas

You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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(817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4

Replies (35) Good night (10421) Bad night (1269)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.

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(203): Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again. http://tfl.nu/p8rx

Replies (11) Good night (1172) Bad night (2549)
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(316): View more from Kansas

I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.

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(316): I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back. http://tfl.nu/cqa8

Replies (42) Good night (5088) Bad night (1589)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.

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(403): Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out. http://tfl.nu/zi3g

Replies (18) Good night (2113) Bad night (998)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.

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(304): I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud. http://tfl.nu/1ldm

Replies (8) Good night (2265) Bad night (1174)
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(815): View more from Illinois

thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.

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(815): thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends. http://tfl.nu/i5k2

Replies (4) Good night (2836) Bad night (648)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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(810): I wanna throw up and cum in that order http://tfl.nu/1c7p

Replies (3) Good night (727) Bad night (1353)
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(561): View more from Florida

Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.

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(561): Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch. http://tfl.nu/p878

Replies (2) Good night (993) Bad night (557)
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(310): View more from California

I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party

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(310): I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party http://tfl.nu/6q7p

Replies (2) Good night (1107) Bad night (649)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it

(501): View more from Arkansas

Then he went and peed on those teenagers.

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(501): I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it (501): Then he went and peed on those teenagers. http://tfl.nu/3fwd

Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (365)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.

(402): View more from Nebraska

Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.

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(402): I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth. (402): Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering. http://tfl.nu/qwlh

Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (298)

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