i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation