Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.

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  (603): I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd. http://tfl.nu/4bqw
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (1033)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.

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  (443): I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans. http://tfl.nu/20x0
  Replies (6) Good night (2500) Bad night (591)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"

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  (905): I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me" http://tfl.nu/rxcz
  Replies (15) Good night (964) Bad night (2410)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
  Replies (105) Good night (9145) Bad night (1299)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (10152) Bad night (953)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

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  (413): im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask. http://tfl.nu/in4y
  Replies (14) Good night (4721) Bad night (941)
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  (559): View more from California

  Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.

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  (559): Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face. http://tfl.nu/m55d
  Replies (14) Good night (3203) Bad night (1581)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

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  (520): Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries. http://tfl.nu/00in
  Replies (6) Good night (2687) Bad night (922)
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  (562): View more from California

  He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome

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  (562): He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome http://tfl.nu/u3j0
  Replies (6) Good night (2611) Bad night (725)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back

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  (352): As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back http://tfl.nu/26q8
  Replies (5) Good night (1505) Bad night (629)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room

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  (208): Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room http://tfl.nu/kejm
  Replies (1) Good night (794) Bad night (313)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
  Replies (6) Good night (1153) Bad night (553)
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  (550): View more from

  I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.

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  (550): I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone. http://tfl.nu/3axh
  Replies (4) Good night (1016) Bad night (337)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you

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  (425): I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you http://tfl.nu/h4jv
  Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (331)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.

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  (843): I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/jdvw
  Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (536)

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