I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.