It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize