watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
