it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
