i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
