everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
