i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
