I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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