What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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