We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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