remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
