i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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