**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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