New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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