Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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