Too much gin, very little bucket
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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