she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
