I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How naked do you want me to be?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
