it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
