pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
