her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.