Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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