Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He felt like a one man threesome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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