I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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