youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
