lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
