Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
