bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
