Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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