so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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