Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
