i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
