I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
