my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my poor anus
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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