Porn is love you can see.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
