i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
