I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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