im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
