Yo dont text me then not text me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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