in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's blow job season.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
