Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
