Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
