meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
