yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
