Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
