why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
