I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
