Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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