remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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