brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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