I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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