you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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