Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
