the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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