ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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